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My best compliments for your translation, Rick.
Love it.

CR

On Saturday, July 16, 2016, Rickard A. Parker <[log in to unmask]> wrote:

> On Sat, 16 Jul 2016 10:25:06 -0500, Carrol Cox <[log in to unmask]
> <javascript:;>> wrote:
>
> >I haven't been following this thread so I don't know who or what you are
> translating, _but_ the following cadence --
> >
> >Then, towards evening,
> >
> >-- leaps out. Perhaps the pause at the comma underlines the weight of
> "towards." Anyhow, I like it.
>
>
> Thanks Carrol but that was an easy line. The French was "Puis, vers le
> soir,"  I fought myself about using "Later" instead of "Then." A poet could
> give good reasons why one is better than another. I just went with the one
> I liked best.
>
> My ISP fixed the problem I had with my website and so that four-frame
> webpage with the original French plus translations is now available. Most
> will prefer the four frame version. But since you use large fonts you may
> prefer visiting each version of the poem separately.
>
> Four frames:
> http://www.theworld.com/~raparker/temp/bonneyfoy-neige/bonneyfoy-neige-framer.htm
>
> French:
> http://www.theworld.com/~raparker/temp/bonneyfoy-neige/bonneyfoy-neige-bonneyfoy-poem.htm
> Rogers:
> http://www.theworld.com/~raparker/temp/bonneyfoy-neige/bonneyfoy-neige-rogers-poem.txt
> Lawson:
> http://www.theworld.com/~raparker/temp/bonneyfoy-neige/bonneyfoy-neige-lawson-poem.txt
> Parker:
> http://www.theworld.com/~raparker/temp/bonneyfoy-neige/bonneyfoy-neige-parker-poem.txt
>
> My line 10 ("A weak wind's toe") would likely be changed for publication.
> I was mocking Eliot's whirl/word/world there.
>
> Regards,
>    Rick Parker
>