Carol Cates Parker, thank you for the best laugh I had all week! Diana


From:  Peter Montgomery <[log in to unmask]>
Reply-To:  "T. S. Eliot Discussion forum." <[log in to unmask]>
To:  [log in to unmask]
Subject:  Re: OT:HUMOR Student Writing -- Fw: Analogies
Date:  Fri, 1 Sep 2006 00:27:42 -0700
Actually, quite a few of these seem very cleverly
contrived to produce an effect of humourous nausea.

P.
----- Original Message -----
From: "Carol Cates Parker" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Wednesday, August 30, 2006 3:28 PM
Subject: OT:HUMOR Student Writing -- Fw: Analogies


> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "Margie Parker" <[log in to unmask]>
> To: "Pat Cathey" <[log in to unmask]>; <[log in to unmask]>; "Joy
> Cathey" <[log in to unmask]>; "Ian Pierce" <[log in to unmask]>;
> <[log in to unmask]>; <[log in to unmask]>; <[log in to unmask]>;
"Betty
> Hines" <[log in to unmask]>; "Jamie Goller"
<[log in to unmask]>
> Sent: Wednesday, August 30, 2006 10:52 AM
> Subject: Analogies
>
>
>
>
> Every year, English teachers from across the country submit their
> collections of actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays.
> These are published for the amusement of teachers around the country.
> Here are last year's winners:
>
>
>
> 1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides
gently
> compressed by a Thigh Master.
>
>
> 2. His thoughts tumbled in his head making and breaking alliances like
> underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
>
>
> 3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy
> who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those
> boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at
high
> schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse, without one of
> those boxes with a pinhole in it.
>
>
> 4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli, and he was
> room-temperature Canadian beef.
>
>
> 5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes
just
> before it throws up.
>
>
> 6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
>
>
> 7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.
>
>
> 8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because
of
> his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly
> surcharge-free ATM machine.
>
>
> 9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a
bowling
> ball wouldn't.
>
>
> 10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled
> with vegetable soup.
>
>
> 11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie,
> surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy
> comes on at 7 p.m. . . . instead of 7:30.
>
>
> 12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.
>
>
> 13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you
fry
> them in hot grease.
>
>
> 14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the
> grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left
> Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19
> p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
>
>
> 15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that
> resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.
>
>
> 16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had
> also never met.
>
>
> 17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the
East
> River.
>
>
> 18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only
one
> that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.
>
>
> 19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.
>
>
> 20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil,
this
> plan just might work.
>
>
> 21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating
> for a while.
>
>
> 22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but
a
> real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or
> something.
>
>
> 23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg
> behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
>
>
> 24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with
> power tools.
>
>
> 25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as
if
> she were a garbage truck backing up.
>
>
> --
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