Arranged Marriage Brings Peace
by Nadim Ladki
In a surprise joint announcement early Tuesday morning, Presidents Bush and Saddam have called a cease-fire in the current hostilities. This cease-fire will lead into an annexation of Iraq by the United States and should lead to Iraqi Statehood within the year.
Shocking all political predictions, the announcement of peace (which came jointly on Al-Jazzera and CNN) also included an announcement of marriage, that of a Bush to a Hussein. As President Bush's two daughters are already spoken for, he has arranged for his niece Noelle Bush, daughter of Florida Governor Jeb Bush, to be betrothed to Imgae Hussein, one of Saddam's several sons. Noelle, overjoyed in her announcement said "Ooh! They grow poppies there, right? I love poppies! They're my favorite flowers!"
Imgae is not directly tied to any parts of the Iraqi government and therefore does not pose a security risk under current U.S.A. Patriot Act laws. Not as well known as his brother Uday, who is currently "the World's Sexiest Arab," Imgae is still an important part of the Hussein family, although his English is reportedly less than impeccable. When shown holding Noelle's hand he was heard to remark "she sexy, sexy, American sex shaggy kitten baby. Oh yeah! Behave!"
The Bush-Hussein Wedding is set for April 19, in a small ceremony in Guantanamo Bay. The couple will honeymoon in Amsterdam and then set off for a whirlwind diplomatic tour of rogue states.
Congress must jointly approve the treaty which Presidents Bush and Hussein have signed but when asked if there would be any problems with ratification, President Bush leaned close to the microphones and said "I hear some of those Democrats may not want to be a fifty second state. Well I've got news for those Congresspeoples: They won't will not be a problem anymore. Understand?"