Print

Print


Arranged Marriage Brings Peace

by Nadim Ladki
BAGHDAD (Reuters)

    In a surprise joint announcement early Tuesday morning, Presidents Bush
and Saddam have called a cease-fire in the current hostilities.  This
cease-fire will lead into an annexation of Iraq by the United States and
should lead to Iraqi Statehood within the year.
    Shocking all political predictions, the announcement of peace (which came
jointly on Al-Jazzera and CNN) also included an announcement of marriage,
that of a Bush to a Hussein.  As President Bush's two daughters are already
spoken for, he has arranged for his niece Noelle Bush, daughter of Florida
Governor Jeb Bush, to be betrothed to Imgae Hussein, one of Saddam's several
sons.  Noelle, overjoyed in her announcement said "Ooh! They grow poppies
there, right?  I love poppies!  They're my favorite flowers!"
Imgae is not directly tied to any parts of the Iraqi government and therefore
does not pose a security risk under current U.S.A. Patriot Act laws.  Not as
well known as his brother Uday, who is currently "the World's Sexiest Arab,"
Imgae is still an important part of the Hussein family, although his English
is reportedly less than impeccable.  When shown holding Noelle's hand he was
heard to remark "she sexy, sexy, American sex shaggy kitten baby.  Oh yeah!
Behave!"
The Bush-Hussein Wedding is set for April 19, in a small ceremony in
Guantanamo Bay.  The couple will honeymoon in Amsterdam and then set off for
a whirlwind diplomatic tour of rogue states.
Congress must jointly approve the treaty which Presidents Bush and Hussein
have signed but when asked if there would be any problems with ratification,
President Bush leaned close to the microphones and said "I hear some of those
Democrats may not want to be a fifty second state.  Well I've got news for
those Congresspeoples: They won't will not be a problem anymore.
Understand?"